Dismantling Cycles of Shame: No Hymen, No Problem
In our Dismantling Cycles of Shame we are sharing and collecting stories focusing on dismantling myths and stereotypes about periods and feminine health. We firmly believe that storytelling is powerful and is a tool we can use to learn and unlearn together. We want to share your unique stories, please share with us here
No hymen? Can't sit with us!
The subject of virginity has always been laced with controversy. In recent times however, these concerns have grown in the representation of what virginity truly means. Does virginity truly mean chastity; “refraining from all sexual intercourse?”
It would appear that the concept of virginity depends on cultural background and religious upbringing. There have been arguments on whether the presence of a hymen is what makes a virgin one, or not. This is however faulty as no provision is made for the ‘virginity’ of people without a vagina.
The absence of a hymen should not signal if a person is not a virgin. Most people believe that it is medically possible to tell a virgin. This is completely false and hence rape evidences by checking the hymen (especially in teen cases) are dangerous. The hymen in itself is a thin piece of tissue that surrounds or partially covers the external vagina opening. During puberty, changes in appearance occurs to the hymen, and it can be very elastic. Also, in very rare cases (occurring in about 0.1% of persons with vagina), the hymen is completely absent.
Hymen reconstruction, known as hymenorrhaphy exists to restore the ability of the hymen to bleed at sexual intercourse. A procedure such as this indicates just how virginity is revered in certain communities and social brackets.
Here are some social constructs on sex and virginity:
Sex is penetrative.
The definition of sex varies and is dependent on the individual trying to explain it. From oral sex to anal sex, hand jobs to frottage; a type of sexual gratification derived from rubbing a bodily area against others, sex is definitive of an individual’s perception of what it is or what it should be.
2. You shouldn’t refuse sex if you are a virgin.
Certain people believe that sexual consent should be reserved for virgins alone. In cultures obsessed with virginity, it has been implied that sex shouldn’t be a big deal as long as the hymen is not intact. Some would even argue as to whether a victim of rape should be believed because “it’s not like it’s her first time”, hence, saying things like, “she’s just a baby”, might be harmful when speaking up on rape. Consent is an integral part of sex, and it’s a continuous conversation, and can therefore be withdrawn at any point. Because someone has had sex before doesn’t mean they want to have it again, they could, maybe not just with you.
3. Virgins shouldn’t participate in certain sports.
Some individuals believe that virgins shouldn’t partake in a number of sports because of how rigorous they are, and the risk of tearing the hymen.
An adorable picture of a little girl practicing yoga, sufficed a while ago on my timeline. This girl, probably not more than six years old looked like she was having a lot of fun. However, someone in the replies was concerned about the impact of yoga on her hymen.
4. First time vaginal penetration always involves bleeding.
While this is normal, an act of first-time penetrative sex does not always involve blood. As earlier mentioned, the vagina in itself is elastic. In fact, the use of tampons does not necessarily mean a broken hymen, as long as it’s not frequent. Yes, the hymen is that elastic.
5. STDs are ‘reserved’ for non-virgins.
No. Sexually transmitted diseases and infections seem not to live up to their name. A virgin can have one of these, as some of these diseases could be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. Did you know some people are exposed to their mother’s STDs during pregnancy or birth? No? Explain HIV. Herpes can also be transmitted through kissing.
6. Virgins have ‘tight pussy’.
The only way to know if a person is a virgin is if they tell you. Many people believe that how much sex a person has had can be figured out, just by how loose their vagina is. No. Also, having sex does not change the way a person walks. No two bodies are the same, and the body changes overtime with age, weight loss or gain. The pelvic muscles which keep the vagina in place, as it loosens, the vagina can feel less tight.
In some traditional practices, it is demanded that certain individuals who can partake should be virgins. As this is related to penetrative sex, would the gods get angry if a person quite experienced in other kinds of sex partook in this act? Can people without a vagina be virgins? What should be regarded as virginity today?
PS: The term, “people with/without vagina” has been used instead of females and males for social inclusion for our queer and trans friends. We love you.
In the coming weeks, we will examine true life stories of people on the link between virginity, sex and periods in our blog post series to dismantle cycles of shame. Stay tuned!