Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

I’m sure you have heard of the phrase before, “spare the rod, spoil the child.“ This phrase has been used as a justification for corporal or physical punishment as the ultimate form of disciplining a child.

A few weeks ago on Twitter, a dialogue was sparked about the harmful effects that beating and physical punishment had had on them or their relationship with their parents. Yet again, spare the rod and spoil the child came up again as a Biblically found justification for physical discipline.

However, the phrase spoil the child does not actually appear in the Bible. The full phrase as we know it today actually emerges from a 17th-century poet named Samuel Butler in a poem chronicling a love affair between two people. Spare the rod most often refers to Proverbs 13:24 which in the NIV translation says:

“Whoever spares the rod hates their children,

    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.“

At the time this verse was written shepherds often used a staff or rod to lead their flock of sheep and protect them from danger. The rod was a tool used to guide them as they traversed through fields - not to beat them. So when we read this phrase again, whoever spares the rod can be read as whoever fails to guide their children hates them or whoever fails to protect their children hates them. This misinterpretation has justified beating children with belts, sticks, and switches as a means of getting children to comply with their parents.

As a culture, we often look down on our Western counterparts for not beating their children as a justification for our perception that those raised abroad are unruly or mannerless. However, we never really take the time to look inward at our own fractured homes. This is not to say that corporal punishment is the reason for this, but it is important we recognize the harm it can cause.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Children who experience repeated use of corporal punishment tend to develop more aggressive behaviors, increased aggression in school, and an increased risk of mental health disorders and cognitive problems.” In addition to this, children often tend to repeat the same behaviors that they were reprimanded for as corporal punishment does not teach them why their behavior was wrong.

Parents who choose to beat their children as a form of disciplining them were often beaten themselves as children. Many argue would they were beaten and turned out fine so why not do the same to their children. In talking to a few people about whether they would beat their children having been beaten some said, “I can say from personal experience, it disciplined me but made me too polite - to the point where I was taken advantage of.“ While another suggested, “A little smack here or there can instantly stop bad behavior, but parents tend to take beatings too far.“

We have somehow normalized being beaten with spoons, belts, and other instruments. We have somehow normalized being beaten to the point that blood is drawn. We have normalized abuse.

We create cycles of abuse when we say it is okay for our children to be beaten for bad behavior and then do not hold our men accountable for domestic violence in their homes, after all, it is in the name of discipline.

There are more effective methods of disciplining our children without causing them undue emotional and physical harm. Some healthy strategies include a time out, removal of their favorite toy or time away from screens as well as giving them your attention so you can reinforce good behaviors and have honest conversations about why other behaviors are not in line with your values.

Would you beat your children? Is beating ever acceptable? We would love to read your thoughts in the comment section below.